a familiar feeling takes over her body ; anxiety . and as it does so , emma is left completely helpless and not able to fight against it . it had been years since she had felt like this , but considering the day’s events —— emma’s surprised she’d made it this long without breaking down in front of everyone . the moment the sound of the doors being locked fills the cabin , the younger woman reaches for the nearest surface for support as her whole body begins to tremble ; and soon after that , the first tears make their presence known , quick to surround her vision as they begin to escape helpless forest hues .
she can still see it —— and still can’t fucking shake the images out of her head . a gun , pressed against the head of a woman whose only desire is to fall into the arms of death . and then , there’s emma ; watching it all happen , not being able to stop it , not able to save the woman she loves . everything happened so fast from there , a combination of silence and screams filled the freezing air , and then nothing . the trigger had been pulled and nothing happened .
she was still ALIVE .
and yet , emma still hadn’t been able to find her peace ever since .
she tries to keep her sobs as quiet as possible , even if her chest heavies and makes it difficult to suck in a breath that would satisfy her lungs , even if the tears keep pounding out of those big eyes that can be very rarely seen this sad . there’s suddenly a knock , then two , and then , a soft , velvet voice . emma doesn’t want to open it at first . if she pretends long enough that no one’s in the compartment , then caroline might believe it and leave .
but the blonde moves instead with no idea of what she’s doing until she grips the door knob and the door swings open . within a second , she has her fingers grabbing at caroline’s waist , pulling her inside and crushing her tears stained face and lips with hers .
she thought about leaving, about turning around and walking away from there; about giving her some time, waiting until emma was ready to come out and face the world again without crumbling down. but caroline was stopped, by two, determined hands that wasted no time closing around her waist and pulling her inside the dim compartment. no words, no explanations —- just a kiss, one that stole the very breath away from her and caused the woman’s heart to leap and pound inside her chest.
wildly, as though it had never been smashed to pieces. as though living didn’t hurt and nothing else mattered but them.
mouth against mouth, with emma’s tongue on hers, caroline remembered to close the door and did so without as much as breaking the kiss. not for a second, and as she found her lover’s dress to knot her fists into the fabric, a trembling moan spilled from her lips and was captured by the other woman’s.
❝ i’m sorry. ❞ she whispered with her eyes fallen shut, stumbling backwards until the small of caroline’s back hit the nearest wall. ❝ you didn’t deserve that. i was selfish and i’m sorry. ❞