fionagoode:

_{They were well-accustomed to hiding what they shared; stealing away to the safety of a locked dressing room or secluded backstage corner, seeing one another in the security of their own homes so long as no one else was around. Still, instinct caused Fiona to stiffen when Caroline drew her closer, simply because the fact that commotion in the hall could still be heard outside the closed (and most certainly locked) compartment door gave her the illusion that they were not entirely alone, not unseen. She forced herself to relax, though, and nodded at the suggestion—she did need a drink, badly, to settle her nerves and still her mind.} 

_{A grin twitched up her lips when she raised her eyes, taking in the other woman’s beautiful, angular countenance as she had done a thousand times before. Linda—no, Caroline now—remained lovely as ever, maybe even more so now that they were older. Fiona was not delusional enough to believe that she would ever regain the beauty possessed in her youth, but Caroline… Caroline had only blossomed with those years, even in spite of all she had endured. “Nothing wrong with that at all…” Her fingers wrapped around Caroline’s there at her collarbone, and she bowed her head to press a kiss to the back of each one. “A little liquid courage might do us both some good.”} 

_{she welcomed the warmth of her kisses with an even gentler smile, the soft light that played across the other woman’s features a sight caroline would never want to miss. fiona was there, with her —- even after everything that had happened, all the heartbreak and sleepless nights that had followed the loss of three special lives, she hadn’t walked away. she hadn’t left her alone, and a surge of love and devotion overcame the once young actress.}

_{knowing they were out of sight, having locked the compartment door herself, caroline lifted her hand and placed it beneath fiona’s chin, tipping her head back and leaning her own. painted lips danced against hers, for a split second before retreating so that she could look her in the eye.}

_{❝ and you’ve never been more right, my love. ❞ what she wouldn’t do for a taste of something strong, strong enough to soothe her thoughts and bring her some peace of mind. she deserved it, they both did —- one last indulgence before the moment she had planned so carefully finally arrived. ❝ after you? ❞}

(Source: widowsmisery, via fionagoode-archived2)

fionagoode:

_{No one had dragged anyone into anything; Fiona’s hand had not been forced, and she refused to allow Caroline to believe anything else. Expecting the other woman to have a clear head was far from reasonable, though, given all she had been through and all she had yet to endure. Fiona’s own nerves were ragged, absolutely on edge; whatever Caroline was feeling had to be magnified a thousand times or more.} 

_{She would never have agreed if it didn’t matter so much—and maybe nothing had ever mattered this much. For possibly the first time in her life, Fiona Goode sought to do something selfless, something from which she would not benefit first and foremost. Caroline’s ordeal had opened her eyes to a world of hurt and suffering that she had only ever played out onstage, never once imagining that such unspeakable tragedies could occur in any other circumstances. Certainly not in her life, certainly not so close to those she loved. To one she loved.} 

_{“If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be.” Nothing was more true than that; they both knew it. “You’ve never been selfish a day in your life.” That was true, too. Selfishness was Fiona’s game, far and away. “I don’t think you ever could be. You aren’t… you aren’t capable of it.”} 

_{fiona thought too highly of her —- but she was capable of murder, was she not? when the time came to end his life, caroline could have sworn on the memory of her - dead - daughter that she wouldn’t think it twice before holding a knife in her hand and delivering the final blow. she longed for it, had dreamed about it for months on end, had even pictured this moment in her head, countless times before. no remorse, no guilt; and only then, would the actress finally be able to breathe again.}

_{and who could have blamed her for wishing him gone?}

_{releasing the other woman’s hands, caroline closed the gap still left between them and slowly, almost delicately so, placed her arms around fiona’s neck. pulling herself forward, long fingers that brushed against the black lace of her dress and ghosted over the skin of her shoulders. tonight was the night, and she needed her the most.}

_{❝ we will have to wait and see, won’t we? ❞ a saddened smile took over the pout on caroline’s lips, gaze dropping as one of her hands traced the blonde’s collarbone. ❝ join me for a drink, what say you? two, complete strangers on a train. there’s nothing wrong with that, surely. ❞}

(Source: widowsmisery, via fionagoode-archived2)

_{continued from here with @fionagoode.}

_{“You’ve already survived the worst of it, cherie.” Despite the fact that they were in close quarters, the door shut and locked, Fiona kept her voice pitched low. The stakes were high enough as it was without risking anything else; they had to be discreet, and above all else, careful. She held Caroline’s hands tight in her own, thumbs running over her knuckles in attempt to soothe. “It’ll all be over soon.”}

_{her heart was in pain, her soul was too —- she had felt his breath on her ear and caroline had done nothing to stop him. with trembling hands she returned the gesture, long fingers closing around the woman’s hands as she held on to them. red lips parted into a quiet sob, never to leave her mouth.}

_{but she knew she couldn’t afford losing herself to despair, not now when they were so close — closer than they had ever been before, nothing but a hardwood wall standing between them and the man to whom she owed her misery. her downfall, and caroline found it within herself to lift her gaze from the ground and lock eyes with fiona.}

_{❝ how selfish of me it was to drag you into this. into all of this, you must want out. ❞ and if she did, it would never occur to the former actress to hold it against her lover.}